It’s a Sh##ty Job, But Somebody Has To Do It! – Flash Fiction

Honestly, I can’t remember when I started this job, but I can tell you now that it possibly could be one of the adversest mistakes of my being when I signed that dotted line.

I should have known right from the start that it was just too good to be true, and it serves me right to believe the media. I mean, everything must be genuine if it’s in the Space News-Times, right?

Alien-oh-alien, I wish I never saw that advertisement that said, THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME! TRAVEL THE GALAXY! GREAT BENEFITS! MUST HAVE SMALL HANDS!

That right there should have given it away that this job was going to be a shitty one, literally!

Just look at what I’m doing. A thankless, not so challenging job! I show up to the shuttle every day, at the same time, meeting up with the rest of the crew, what you people call, the grays.

I get up early, I get home late, my home planet life is suffering! My mate, my little aliens, by the rings of Saturn, they don’t even recollect what I look like anymore.

What a trade, my family for my crew! By the lost cities of Mars, I can’t even stand the rest of the team! They are idiots, and I am definitely out of sync with them and their purpose. They find great enthusiasm in this job, I simply find it unnecessary.

I am so bored, bored, bored! I mean every day, travelling to Earth and forcefully picking up an unsuspecting Earthling. Don’t get me wrong, I use to like it, but I hate it now.

The rest of the grays, well, they have the exciting part of the job. They get to select the Earthling, not mention, torment, tease, make-fun off, and after it’s all done, make sure that they remember nothing. That’s where all the fun is.

What do I get to do? My job is, as you can tell as I slather this Astro-lube on my pinkie, is called the prober, or what the guys call me, the plunger. Guess what I get to do with my finger? If you don’t know, well, I’m not telling you. I’ll let you figure that out all by yourself!

Why do I do it? I don’t know! Believe it or not, I don’t understand why anybody does it! I’m not sure what I’m looking for, but it’s my job, and they say somebody has to do it! I actually think my job is pretty pointless!

Damn you Space-Time News!

YOU SAID, Travel the galaxy! I GO TO ONE PLANET!

YOU SAID, Great benefits! What’s the benefit of losing your family life, and sticking your finger up an Earthling’s stinker?

YOU SAID, you must have small hands! NOW I SEE WHY!

I don’t see myself lasting a long time here, even if I do get the promise of advancement? I never asked what that advancement might be, but if it’s anything like my current job, I’m not interested! If you want my job, by all the gas on Jupiter, you can have it!!!

Actually, I QUIT!

probing


 

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